We’ve all been there. Best case, it’s Sunday morning, and the parents struggle to get the kids dressed and in the car on time. The family shouts at each other, while they ensure that everyone has their hair done nicely with their bibles. Children may bicker with one another on the way, but ultimately everyone makes it to church in one piece. This is typical. On the other hand, a family may also experience an all-out blowout on the way to church. Mom and Dad will engage in a smackdown before the kids get up, and their mood rubs off on the whole family; the kids then hurt each other, and the remainder of the weekend becomes ruined. However, these families could win an Oscar for their ability to play the role of a wholesome Christian family. While this family also makes it to church in one piece, they are very broken. Unfortunately, these families are everywhere, and our failure to recognize this reality breeds inauthenticity in the church.
If an evangelical pastor is worth his salt, he should consider opening one of his sermons by asking his congregation if anyone argued on the way to church. Some families might raise their hands, and you can be sure that the poll is an under-representation of reality. If churches are supposed to serve as a refuge where families can support one another, why aren’t they doing so? Congregations should be approachable enough that families can come forward and express their issues. Life is hard for all, and we can’t “do life” alone.
When arguments occur on days when both parents are home, time and time again, it is clear there is a significant problem at hand. Somehow amongst all the stress and anxiety that the adults take out on the entire family, they manage to pause to paint a phony picture for others in the church congregation. Yet, when the family returns home, the acting stops, and the pain returns. This essentially makes attending church one giant waste of time for these families. Instead of changing their behavior consciously, they stick to a mindless routine of talking the talk but not walking the walk.
Suppose there is a desire to grow the church into a stable body of support that families could rely upon. Imagine the positive change we could see in faith communities. Authenticity must be encouraged. We are all broken “sinners” in the eyes of God. We should not feel shame for coming forward and asking for help. We also should not feel shame for failing to be a “model family.” Faith cultures that recognize and embrace the struggles people go through will continue to thrive and truly demonstrate God’s real love in a meaningful way.