Home life becomes unhealthy and uncomfortable when your parents won’t stop fighting. While it’s unreasonable to expect couples to get along with each other all the time, parents, in particular, are responsible for showcasing what a healthy relationship is to their kids. Exposing children to adult kids is never appropriate. This misbehavior has long-term consequences on offspring.
If your parents fight regularly, this is not your fault. Even if an argument between your parents stems from something you believe you did, you are not responsible for your parents’ composure and reaction to any situation. Nevertheless, living in this environment is exhausting. So here are some suggestions that may help you reduce the impact of their disagreements on your life.
If it gets violent, get help.
If things get violent, call 911.
Many kids don’t dare to call the authorities on their parents. Many factors play into this, and it should be acknowledged that this step requires bravery, yet it’s the right step to make. Physical violence is a crime, and that is when law enforcement should get involved. Calling the cops will scare the living daylights out of your parents. They will be embarrassed and ashamed of their behavior. However, by being brave and doing what’s right, you are ripping the band-aid off, and your situation will change rapidly. When cops arrive at your home, it can be embarrassing but know that you aren’t the problem.
If you feel stuck and unsure how to move forward with violent parents, consider speaking with helplines such as the National Domestic Violence Helpline.
Remove yourself from the argument.
It is not your responsibility to act like your parent’s marriage counselor. When they argue around you, you must remove yourself from the situation. Go for a walk, go to your room, or just put in your earbuds and listen to music. How your parents resolve their issues is none of your concern. So why should you stress yourself out by listening to them? Yelling parents create a hostile environment for all within the home. Parents are often selfishly unaware of this in the heat of the moment. If you can remain calm, take advantage of the situation and remove yourself. While this sort of initiative is unfair to you, it’s correct. Yes, going for a walk numerous times to avoid parents will get old; however, you will thank yourself for choosing boredom over experiencing instability that will likely cause some form of anxiety.
Don’t talk to your parents about their disagreements.
When your parents’ marriage is in a state of chronic dysfunction, the drama of it all will normalize. This is not healthy in any capacity, yet it happens so often in many families. If you hear commotion between your two parents, don’t ask them about it later. It’s not your business, and it’s not their business to share. You are not your parents’ therapist. Broken marriages come from broken adults who don’t make the best decisions. Too often, parents confide in their children and disclose too much. They may speak negatively about your other parent and provide a perspective that might not be accurate. There are two sides to every story, and there is only one truth. Likely, your emotionally-charged parents can’t see through the fog to discover the truth about themselves and their relationship with each other. You, as their child, will not help them or save their marriage. That is impossible. So when your parents argue, please don’t give it any light.
Pray.
Bad marriages impact children long after they leave home. You likely have yet to learn how their behavior forms your decision-making with your personal and professional relationships. But you will understand one day. Finding strength through God and within yourself is critical and is often accomplished through prayer or meditation. Many churches might advise you to pray for your parents. You should understand that your well-being is the most important in these situations. Sometimes, you feel like God is not hearing your prayers. He receives all your anxiety, anger, and disgust toward your parents. He has a plan for them; you should know that they are in His hands. In the meantime, focus on centering yourself so you can survive your home life with dignity. It might be a bumpy road if you remain committed to staying sane, yet you will be rewarded if you can make it out of this in one piece. You will be able to handle almost anything.